Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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