I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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