I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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