Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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