3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
