I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
