I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
