I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Randomize
