I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
