He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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