they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
