I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize