Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
