In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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