you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did I show you my penis last night?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
