I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
