We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
