Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
