took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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