it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
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