Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
