I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I have fence marks all over my body
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
