I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
