I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
