I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
