I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
