How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
