her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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