If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
