1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
