I cannot find my penis.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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