I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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