so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
