Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
