i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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