Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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