I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
