Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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