so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
