How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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