Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
