you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
