guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
