WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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