What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
