Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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