he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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