I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
