Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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