you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
