we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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