Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
